I simply completed the process of perusing "Drink" by Ann Dowsett Johnston. I am 47 years old. I am attempting to put on my standard energetic, cheerful face for the world however inside I am an entire disorder.
Although I have realised for some time that I have issues with alcohol, this book helped me to deal with them. but strangely got me relieved to know I am not alone. My abnormal usage of alcohol was not only "genetic susceptibility" or my lack of self-control.....my use of alcohol to relief and sustain me develop as a result of many problems in my life. Life was too harsh for me, specifically the part of growing up - I was unpopular at my age, my dad was a serial cheater, even my mother had low self esteem issue because she was overweight at that time, I got no one to look after me except myself. My life eventually made me an independent person.
This might sound strange, but during my high school days, alcohol never appealed to me. And Luckily at that time I can attend a prestigious school that proud on its student's academic records'but the students there turned out really like having a party, they were party animals. Thus started my adventure into episodic drinking and consequent terrible conduct - running from power outages, to awful aftereffects to unseemly sexual exercises.
I figured the main path for a hefty young lady to have a sexual experience was to be plastered with similarly as smashed young men.
When I look back, I remember one day I woke up in a frat house in Montreal, beside me there is this guy totally naked in bed'.. But I felt relieved because I could've been end up in hospital, got badly injured, or worst I could've been pregnant, but I didn't.
Then life goes on - I dated a nice guy, at the same time registered as a nurse and achieved a masters degree. On weekend we hang out together, occasionally drank wine together, and when I'm not together with him I would buy me a bottle for myself.
After that comes a moment when I got married, I got pregnant twice, both I had it when I completely abstained of alcohol. But then as life progressed on, aging parents, ADHD child, stressed out, compulsive husband with anger problems'..wine on weekends turned to being wine Thursday - Sunday.
My husband got addicted to a local "brew-your-own" so we had cases and cases of alcohol...and shortly a nocturnal habit to crack one or two... Privately, I started mixing my own alcoholic beverages and hiding the glass in my baking cupboard.
After a hectic day at work, I return home to face domestic chores, dinner plans, getting my sick child to complete the task given to him at school and at the same time ensuring my other child does his house chore; in the midst of all these the only thought lingering within me is the wine I will take later and when the opportunity comes I drink to stupor. The first thing I do when I woke up in the mornings is worrying whom I may have accidentally texted while drunk, I almost lost control over myself and this routine goes on and on.
Be that as it may, there is more - two years prior I got to be distinctly required in an extremely serious enthusiastic issue with one of my child's companion's fathers. The relationship never got physical (other then a couple embraces and standing close at donning occasions) however in the event that any of you have perused about (or encountered) an enthusiastic undertaking, the effect can be similarly as sensational and extreme, if not more so then a physical relationship. I was on seventh heaven - all the time my phone showed a message'.oh the rush of feelings. Usually we exchanged texts late into night, at times in the middle of the night, while we were at duty.
I was content at this high point in my life. When the relationship got too serious and getting close we almost crossed the sexual line, then he pulled back. I have been crushed and lamenting this loss....and the drinking expanded.
My mixed drinks alleviated me they helped the agony.
I am so embarrassed as I think back over my life. Below are some of the incidence caused by my alcohol use include:
I got hammered really hard at a cocktail party last Christmas.
I even got wasted at my sister's 50th birthday
Fulminating messages on my iPhone
Creating a scene in the presence of my children.
Punching my better half in the face
When my son had a friend sleeping over I had a total scream and shout fight, but it only happened once.
I am in guidance which has been an epiphany'..plus studying Ann's book and now detecting this site and studying alike narratives. I sense like I am heading home.